Artemis Fowl: XIAOLIN STYLE!
by Heartless Dragon
Summary: An incredible performance of Artemis Fowl by the characters of Xiaolin Showdown!
1. Casting

**Disclaimer: **If I owned either Xiaolin showdown or Artemis Fowl, I would be making this as a film. But I don't so it has to be a fanfic.

**Artemis Fowl - Xiaolin Style _Casting_**

"What is going on?" asked Omi. Him and most of the other characters from Xiaolin showdown were standing in a large open space with nothing in it but a vending machine.

"How should I know?" answered Kimiko. She was standing next to Raimundo, who was munching on M and Ms. Clay was standing nearby lecturing Jack and Chase Young on the importance on Hats. Suddenly a door opened and **the Author** entered.

"Greetings. I have brought you all here to perform in a Film that I am making of Artemis Fowl. I have assembled a cast list which there shall be no arguments with. After I've said your name I want you to come to front and collect a script. Failure to comply with my instructions will lead to Flargiking!"

"What's Flargiking?" asked Raimundo,

"You don't wan't to know!" **The Author** answered.

"We'll do what you say." Said most of the characters at the same time.

"That's what I thought." **The Author** answered. "Right, Raimundo, You will be playing the part of Artemis Fowl, boy genius."

"Hey no fair!" whined Jack Spicer,"I'm the evil boy genius!"

"Jack we all know that you cheated on your IQ test." Jack moved away muttering about Jackbots and evil plans. Meanwhile Raimundo had reached the front and collected his script.

"Cool script!" commented Raimundo.

"Next," stated **The Author**, "I'm going to cast the part of Artemis's bodyguard, Butler. That part goes to Clay."

"Well he's got enough body." Commented Raimundo. Clay smacked him on the back of the head as he passed to collect his script.

"Next, Kimiko will be playing Captain Holly Short and Omi will be playing Commander Julius Root." The pair collected their scripts and went off to read them. "The last main part of Mulch Diggums goes to Jack Spicer, as Mulch is a kleptomaniac. For the other parts, well I only have one script left so you can fight amongst yourself for it." **The Author** then turned towards the audience. "And if any of you lot wan't to have a part just ask when you review." **The Author** turned back to the characters of Xiaolin showdown and found the room in chaos, with most of the characters locked in combat over the one remaining script.

"Oh for goodness sake!" shouted the Author, "I'll go and photocopy it!" **The Author** left the room with the script. As soon as **the Author** had gone the characters started fighting again about the fiver which had been stuck to the bottom of the script and fallen off when **the Author** picked it up.

**Remember, ask in your review if you want a part and come back soon when the performance shall begin!**


	2. The Shooting Begins

**Disclaimer: **If I owned either Xiaolin showdown or Artemis Fowl, I would be making this as a film. But I don't so it has to be a fanfic.

Note: If you don't recognise a Shen Gong Wu it's because it is from another of my fanfics.

**Artemis Fowl - Xiaolin Style _Scene 1_**

"Okay!" shouted **the Author**, "Let's get this show on the road.! In this scene Raimundo and Clay are getting information off their contact who is being played by Tubbimora. He leads them to a sprite who is played by Wuya."

"Cool!" shouted Raimundo, moving into position. The rest of the cast moved into their positions to as the film crew jackbots activated the equipment.

"Oh by the way," added **the Author**, "Chameleon Bot will be playing all of the extras using the ring of nine dragons."

"RING OF NINE DRAGONS!" shouted Chameleon Bot, who split off into nine different Chameleon Bots.

"Okay," shouted **the Author**, "Lights! Camera! Action!" Dojo ran in front of the camera and snapped a clapperboard as the action started on set.

* * *

Raimundo and Clay were sitting outside a Café on the high street of Ho Chi Minh City. Raimundo was obviously annoyed at the heat but was putting up with it. Tubbimora walked up to them.

"More teas sir?" he asked.

"Stop the theatrics and sit down. You are our contact Tubbimora, you are not a waiter!" answered Raimundo.

"True," admitted Tubbimora, "How did you know?"

"You're wearing a black Ninja outfit complete with Sword. You simply pretended to be a waiter in order to see what weapons we have." Tubbimora looked embarrassed as he sat down. Raimundo continued, "I have nothing but Clay here my… Butler has the thorn of thunderbolts, orb of tornami, star Hanabi and the sword of the storm. But don't worry, the Wu will not be used on you, if you do as we say. Now give us your information."

"Well," began Tubbimora, "I have this photo of a sprite who heals in return for wine!"

"Cool!" stated Raimundo, "Now take us there!"

"Information only!" shouted Tubbimora, "I don't want any curses on my head!"

"You don't have a choice partner." Stated Clay, steering Tubbimora towards the car. It wasn't needed in the crowded streets, but Raimundo preferred to be as insulated as possible. Eventually they had to get out and walk, with Clay making sure that Tubbimora did not escape. Tubbimora led them to a bright area beneath a fire escape.

* * *

"Turn down the lights!" hissed **the Author**, "It's supposed to be dark and shadowy under the fire escape." The jackbot controlling the lights quickly turned them down until you couldn't see what was under the fire escape.

"And, Action!" shouted **the Author**.

* * *

Tubbimora led them to a **dark and shadowy** area beneath a fire escape.

"In there." He whispered. Clay handed him a case of money as Raimundo got out a bottle of wine and Tubbimora quickly ran off.

"I've got an offer for you sprite." Stated Raimundo, holding the bottle of wine just out of the shadows. A hand reached out and grabbed, a hand which appeared slightly clawed.

"What?" asked Wuya, the figure in the shadows.

"I wan't to see your copy of the book, which If I don't see, you'll be dead in a day!"

"A day!" replied Wuya, "Human, I will outlive you by a century."

"Not with a bottle of Holy Water inside you!" replied Raimundo.

"HOLY WATER!" screeched Wuya, "You have murdered me Human!"

"True," admitted Raimundo, "But I have a bottle of Magic Water for you which will heal you. And I also have a special Shen Gong Wu which will restore you powers. In return for the book, for just half an hour."

"Deal!" said Wuya, handing over a small golden book. Raimundo gave her the bottle of Magic Water, then pulled out the silver penny.

"SILVER PENNY!" As he used it, an identical copy of the book appeared. He gave the original back to Wuya, then handed over a carrier bag.

"This contains that Wu I mentioned." He explained, Don't use it until there is on-one watching."

"Which Wu did you give her?" asked Clay as they were leaving.

"The serpents tail and the reversing mirror, the magic water will turn her back to gas, and they will return her power." The pair then returned to the car and left.

* * *

"That was great!" shouted **the Author**, "You four did really well."

"Thanks." Answered Raimundo.

"Hold on," demanded **the Author** whilst pulling out the Golden Tiger Claws, "We need to get to Jack's mansion for the next scene." **The Author** used the golden tiger claws and the four actors, **the Author** and two jackbots went through it. Cursing, the Chameleon Bot set off on foot whilst Dojo flew off.

**End of Part 2. Come back soon when shooting will continue. Please Review.**


	3. The Next Scene is shot

**Disclaimer: **If I owned either Xiaolin showdown or Artemis Fowl, I would be making this as a film. But I don't so it has to be a fanfic.

Note: If you don't recognise a Shen Gong Wu it's because it is from another of my fanfics. I like reusing Shen Gong Wu.

I've had lots of people asking to be Juliet and stupid me accidentally said yes to two of them. Sorry, **Bewarethedarkness, **I'd already given the part away. Is there anyone else you want to play?

**Artemis Fowl - Xiaolin Style _Scene 2_**

"Look, I don't want excuses, where are Raimundo and Clay!" screeched **the Author** at a terrified stage hand.

"Well…" stuttered the stagehand, "They went off with the other monks in search of the new Shen Gong Wu."

"Oh just what I need, actors who vanish whenever there's something else they wan't to do," Sneered **the Author** sarcastically, the to another shouted "Get me coffee!" **Kosmic**, another writer, ran off and soon came back with a cup of coffee, which he handed to **the Author**.

"There is some good news," stammered the stagehand, "**Tachzaruu**, another writer, has arrived to play Juliet."

"Well, we have one of the people we need for the scene," groaned **the Author**, "Oh and I suppose we have Katnappe as well, she's playing Angeline Fowl, Artemis's Mother." At that moment Dojo flew into sight and landed near **the Author**. As he did the four monks jumped off. **The Author** glared at Raimundo and Clay.

"HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THE SET WITHOUT PERMISSION!" **The Author** screamed at them. Omi leapt forwards to defend them.

"We may be in you film, but first and foremost we are Xiaolin Dragons!" he retaliated.

"Yeah, yeah," replied **the Author**, "Now get into place for this scene. POSITIONS EVERYBODY!" As the actors scurried away **the Author** examined the new Shen Gong Wu. It was the Gresfal Greensnake. A Shen Gong Wu which translated anything. **The Author** tossed it to Raimundo, he'd need it for this scene.

"LIGHTS!" **The Author** shouted. A Jackbot scurried over to the lights and activated them. "CAMERA!" Another Jackbot started filming. "ACTION!" Dojo darted in front of the camera and clapped a clapperboard as the actors began.

* * *

Raimundo and Clay pulled up to Jack's Mansion in their car. As they entered the mansion Raimundo explained part of his plan.

"Basically I'm going to scam the fairy people out of a ton of gold, and this copy of the book is going to let me do that." He explained.

"How will it do that?" asked Clay.

"You'll see." answered Raimundo, and left it at that. He decided to visit his mother before getting to work on the book. He met **Tachzaruu **at the bottom of the stairs that led up to his mothers room.

"Problems with Mother, **Tachzaruu**?" asked Raimundo.

"My own fault Raimundo," **Tachzaruu** answered, "I left a gap in her curtains so she couldn't sleep." Raimundo went up the stairs and opened the door. Katnappe was hunched up in her bed, rocking back and forth.

"Little Rai," she said, "Where have you been?"

"I've been hunting for Shen Go…"

* * *

"CUT!" roared **the Author**, "You have not been hunting for Shen Gong Wu you have been on a school trip. Skiing in Austria. Now get it right! ACTION!"

* * *

"I've been on a school trip, Skiing in Austria." Explained Raimundo.

"Ah Skiing," said Katnappe murmured dreamily, "Maybe when your father returns. I just know that he wasn't killed when his ship sank."

"Of course mother, he wasn't killed." Replied Raimundo.

"Now be a good boy and close those wretched curtains!" demanded Katnappe. Raimundo crossed to the curtain and looked like he was about to throw them open, before sighing and closing them.

"There you go mother." He muttered.

"Thank you. And stop calling me mother! I don't know who you are but you're certainly not my little Rai! Don't come back here!" shouted Katnappe.

"Very well mo… Mrs Fowl. You won't see me again."

Raimundo left the room and went to his study. First he went onto his computer and scanned in the pages of the book. Next he printed them out again. Next he pulled out the Gresfal Greensnake and aimed it at the printed pages.

"GRESFAL GREENSNAKE!" The pages in front of him translated themselves in front of his eyes. What was in front of him was a page of Gibberish. He then cut up the pages into individual letters and aimed the ruby of ramsees at them.

"RUBY OF RAMSEES!" The letters rearranged themselves into individual sheets of paper. Raimundo scanned them and printed them out again. He then switched on the light and began to read.

**The Booke of the People**

**Being Instructions to our magicks and life rules**

Carry me always, carry me well.

I am thy teacher of herb and spell.

I am thy link to power arcane.

Forget me and thy magick shall wane.

And so on in that matter.

"I did it!" shouted Raimundo. He then wrote a list of Equipment and handed it to Clay whilst explaining the plan, "We'll need these items in order to stake out magical hotspots during a full moon. We shall be doing that in order to kidnap a fairy so that we can hold them to ransom in order to get a ton of gold."

"Good plan," commented Clay looking at the list, "But why sunglasses?"

"Well," explained Raimundo, "As well as making me look cool, they are very important for the plan.

* * *

"Well done guys!" shouted **the Author**. **Kosmic** then handed **the Author** another cup of coffee.

"Thanks," replied Raimundo, "What's next?"

"Well your not in the next scene," Explained **the Author**, "ONE HOUR FOR LUNCH EVERYBODY! WILL THE SET DESIGN CREW PLEASE MEET ME AT THE TUNNEL ARMADILLO AS THEY HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO!"

**There you go! Please Review. Come back soon for the instruction of the fairy characters! Remember, just ask in your review if you wan't a part.**


	4. Going Underground

**Disclaimer: **If I owned either Xiaolin showdown or Artemis Fowl, I would be making this as a film. But I don't so it has to be a fanfic.

**Note:** If you don't recognise a Shen Gong Wu it's because it is from another of my fanfics. I like reusing Shen Gong Wu.

Sorry about the wait. Please excuse any mistakes as I've lost my copy of Artemis Fowl.

**Artemis Fowl - Xiaolin Style _Scene 3_**

The set design team had outdone themselves. In just one hour, aided heavily by the tunnel armadillo and shard of lightning, they had carved out a huge network of underground tunnels. Even **the Author** was impressed, something that didn't happen easily.

"Wow!" commended **the Author** after a long pause, "this is great. How are you holding the ceiling up?"

"Ah…" began one of the set designers but was interrupted by an ominous rumbling sound, "I knew there was something we forgot."

"Oh for goodness sake!" shouted **the Author**, "GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!" they all teleported to safety as the tunnel collapsed. Two hours and a lot of yelling later the set design team had carved out a brand new network of tunnels, with ceilings held up by teams of Jackbots.

"Won't people notice the Jackbots?" asked **Kosmic**.

"Nah," replied **the Author**, "We'll just edit them out later. Have the Wu been copied with the silver penny? Good! Is everyone in position?" Nobody was. Kimiko was playing video games, Omi was practising combat moves and Jack was refusing to wear the handcuffs unless they had been washed thoroughly first. At least **Xiaolin Monkey**, a new recruit bought in to play Foaly, was waiting on set.

"DO YOU LOT WANT TO BE FLARGIKED?" roared **the Author**, causing everyone in the vicinity to jump. A moment later everybody was in position.

"LIGHTS!" yelled **the Author**, "CAMERA! ACTION!" Dojo ran in front of the camera with his clapperboard as the action started.

* * *

Although she had not been awake for long, Kimiko was in a foul mood. She was running late again, and expected a long period of reprimanding off Omi when she arrived at work. Pausing only to grab a smoothie from her fridge and to pull on her uniform, Kimiko hurried out of her house and into the street. As usual there was a lot of traffic, making Kimiko even later for work.

As she arrived at LEP headquarters she saw a handcuffed Jack Spicer being led away by an LEP officer. Jack was in the process of picking the officers pocket. Kimiko gave him a quick jolt with the thorn of thunderbolts and he halted his actions. Kimiko tried to sneak past Omi's office but…

"KIMIKO! Get in here!" Groaning, Kimiko entered Omi's office. Omi was standing behind his desk looking furious.

"What time do you call this Kimiko?" he yelled. Kimiko did not know what he was so bothered about; lots of the male officers had not arrived yet.

"Sorry sir," muttered Kimiko, "the traffic was really bad, four lanes were down and…"

"Don't give me that," interrupted Omi, "You know what the traffic is like, just get up earlier!" Kimiko knew that she should get up earlier, but wouldn't, not until the male officers had to as well.

"I know what you're thinking," stated Omi, "Why am I picking on you. It's because you're a girl!" Kimiko launched herself at Omi, beating him to the ground until…

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" Yelled **the Author**.

"He insul… began Kimiko.

"IT'S IN THE SCRIPT!" screamed **the Author**.

"Oh," muttered Kimiko lamely, "Erm, sorry Omi." She helped Omi up off the floor.

"Any more of that and I'll replace you!" reprimanded **the Author**, "Now, ACTION!"

* * *

"I know what you're thinking," stated Omi, "Why am I picking on you. It's because you're a girl! You're the test case, you've got to be the best you can be and you're not good enough. I'm transferring you to traffic." Kimiko groaned. Suddenly the phone rang. Omi answered it.

"What now? A troll, where? Damn there are no officers available. Don't worry I'll find one and send them right there," Omi put down the phone and surveyed Kimiko, "It's your lucky day Kimiko. It seems there a rogue troll loose in Italy and you're the only recon officer available. Report to Foaly for weaponry and briefing." Not being able to believe her luck, Kimiko quickly left the room in case Omi change his mind. As she entered Foaly's operations booth she fell about laughing at the sight that met her eyes.

* * *

"What is so funny?" Demanded **the Author**.

"He looks like he's wearing a mangled pantomime horse!" giggled Kimiko, pointing at **Xiaolin Monkey**.

"He's playing a centaur!" explained **the Author**, "What else was I supposed to do? Now control yourself." After a while Kimiko eventually stopped laughing. **The Author** was about to resume shooting when their mobile phone rang. **The Author** answered it.

"Yes? Oh no! I'll be right there." Said **the Author**, then they hung up, "Sorry about this but it seems there's a dragon outside demanding to see me. We'll finish this scene later. I'll meet you all back here in an hour."

**What does this mysterious dragon want? Will this movie ever get finished? Who is the mysterious Author? Does anyone really care? Some of these questions might get answered in the next instalment of "Artemis Fowl: Xiaolin Style!"**


End file.
